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glitter makes the world go 'round

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On my od
Apparently my mum was told by my interim case manager that the doc at the hospital said it was a suicide attempt. My real case manager is back tomorrow and I am going to get some more info when I see her in the morning.

On ed
I'm fat. Fat once again. My bra is too small. I can't breathe without squeaking. I'm on a liquid fast tomorrow. See if I can go one day. I wish I could talk to you miley, hi!

Going to start a 7 day gym trial tomorrow. Going to go swimming. I'm hoping to swim 40 laps. My case manager says not to get in for any less. She swims 80. So jelly. I'm just fat and gross.

On the bf
Lucas moved in officially today. We are giving in the paperwork tomorrow or at the very least getting it checked over. There were a lot of forms.
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Stuff has happened. Monday night something was happening in me, I wasn't sleeping and had already maxed.out my prns.

I call triage a few times only to get no help. One lady said that the words o use to describe my symptoms means I don't have symptoms??? 🤔

I don't know what happened next. I know I took some more sleepers and I called someone.....
Woke up 13hours later in hospital.

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I had to sit down with one of the student nurses and talk about my eating disorder.
We brainstormed some things and found out that I do counting and pattern making and even binging to block out thoughts rather than binging as a result to emotions.
So I don't like to feel things. I have no idea what I am blocking out. I can only think I am blocking the shame of my making symptoms up. I could test the theory after I see the consultant psychiatritst back at Warata and he explores what my real diagnoses is which I think is anxiety/OCD/bulimia. I might feel better if thats what I am trying to block.
I don't know...does anyone have any other ideas on what I might be trying to block?


Does anyone want a pen pal. I could send you short letters and nice presents in the mail. Let me know. 

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